How to deal with arguments in Marriage - NikahExplorer
Importance of Nikah
In Islam, Nikah is given the utmost importance as it is a pious relationship with great blessing from Allah. Our religion regards marriage as a way to acquire spiritual perfection. Our Prophet (P.B.U.H) said:
“When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, therefore he should fear Allah for the other half” [At-Tirmidhi 3096]
Your spouse is a blessing for you from Allah (swt) and taking care of them, giving them their due rights will strengthen the relationship between husband and wife. Every relationship has its fair deal of agreement, differences, and conflicts.
What does Islam teach us on conflicts?
Islam teaches us to stay calm and respects difference of opinion. Even your partner can have a difference of opinion about certain matters of life. But what if some differences lead to severe arguments between spouses?
The Prophet (P.B.U.H) said:
“No believing man should hate a believing woman: if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will like another” [Muslim]
Islam has stated the rights of husband and wife clearly and it is the duty of spouses to fear Allah and forgive each other’s mistakes. Anas ibn Maalik (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (P.B.U.H) said:
“Every son of Adam makes mistakes, and the best of those who make mistakes are those who repent” (Al-Tirmidhi, 2501)
Living With Your Partner Patiently
We are thought in the early years of our married life to patiently deal with your partner and put up with one another as everyone makes mistakes. You have to learn to be most patient with those people you live and interact with daily. Avoiding the behavior of taking revenge or anger does not resolve arguments.
Abul-Darda said to his wife: “If you see me angry, calm me down, and if I see you angry, I will calm you down, otherwise it will be too difficult to live together”.
Ways to Avoid Arguments with Your Spouse
To keep you married life ideal and happy, it is important that you avoid arguments and getting angry on your partner. Here we are listing some useful ways for you to deal with arguments in healthy way.
1. Pleasing Allah is Your Priority
Gaining the pleasure of Allah should our priority in every situation. Your marriage is successful is you and your partner both put their whole heart and remain committed to Allah. Taking care of your children and spouse, ignoring small fights and unnecessary complaints is a way to please Allah and follow the sunnah of Prophet (P.B.U.H).
Allah says in the Quran: “Our Lord, pour upon us patience and plant firmly our feet and give us victory over the disbelieving people” (2:250)
2. Avoid Continuously Arguing
If your partner is angry, then avoid speaking in front of them or giving unnecessary comment. This will only result in increasing their rage if both continue to argue. Arguments and fighting have a stressful impact on your married life and strains the relationship between husband and wife. So, one should try to stay calm when the other person is angry.
Prophet (P.B.U.H) said, “A man said to the Prophet, ‘Give me advice.’ The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, ‘Do not get angry.’ The man asked repeatedly, and the Prophet answered each time, ‘Do not get angry.” (Bukhari)
3. Lower Your Tone
In many places in the Quran, we are told to converse in a low and respectable tone with people. The same thing applies to every relationship including marriage. Spouse must respect each other and always keep their voices down. Shouting on your spouse is only allowed in Islam if the house is on fire. A Nikah, where one of the partners have to deal with anger and shouting do not remain healthy.
In Surah Luqman ayah 19.
“Luqman (AS) while offering advice to his son said: and lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey.” (31:19)
4.Discarding the Conflict
A lot of the times when you are fighting with your partner, you are trying to explain it to them that you are right on your stance. But being stubborn and not controlling your nafs only to win the arguments only impacts your relation. Allah is with displeased those who talk heartlessly. So, if there is an argument let the other person win.
Prophet (P.B.U.H) said: “Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the centre of Jannah”. (Mishkat)
In short, it can be said that frequent arguments are due to the absence of love and patience. Your wife or your husband is a blessing and taking care of them and leaving heated arguments just to save your relationship is advised in our religion.