Can love be a substitute of respect in Muslim Marriage? - NikahExplorer
Muslim marriages are built on the principle of love and kindness between spouses as Allah has mentioned in the Quran : "And among His Signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." [Sûrah Rûm: 21]. When we delve deeper into the meaning of this verse it gives us a complete picture of what Allah expects from us in our marriages. Love is an important component of marriage but it is not the only one. What goes hand in hand with love is respect for each other.
When a man and woman marry in Islam, their relationship develops gradually as love and respect automatically seeps into it with the grace of Allah. However, this will not happen until we open ourselves to the idea of both love and respect working simultaneously. Sadly, many Muslim couples fail to recognize the relationship between love and respect.
While the one emotion, the need for love, is ranked highly for women, the other emotion of respect is asked for highly by men. It’s a two-way street where love and respect is given and taken together. You may have all the love for your spouse but if you don’t have the respect for him, you will see him slowly slipping away from the institute of marriage. Allah has explained the need of respect for the man in the following verse
“Men are in charge of women by what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband’s] absence what Allah would have them guard.” Chapter 4, Verse 34
Thus when Allah uses the word guard he does not only mean that a woman should protect his secrets but also protect the relationship by giving it all its due respect.
In the same way, if a husband respects his wife immensely, fulfils all his responsibilities towards her but does not show emotion of love for her, she will gradually distance herself in the marriage.
So love cannot be a substitute for respect and neither can respect be a substitute for love. Both are required in a marriage in equal measure to make it successful IA.