Communication as the backbone in Marriage - NikahExplorer
Husband: What don’t I do for you? I’ve given you a great house, your kids are going to school, I come home from work early. What else do you need?
Wife: Nothing!
Husband: Fine.
Sounds familiar? Sounds even distantly like it’s ever happened to you? If yes, then there is a serious problem of communication in your marriage. The above scenario shows that when a hardworking tired husband comes home and only hears complaints of his wife he reminds her of the things that he does for her and the wife, who just wants the husband’s love and appreciation for what she did when she was back home, is too stubborn to tell him that. Therein begins the problem of communication between the two and that is the foundation to sour relationships, letting the shaitaan triumph.
Allah has given Muslim Marriages a very high status in Islam because two people who are from completely different backgrounds, lifestyles and habits have come together under one roof and attempting to live together. All the attributes, both positive and negative, are being tested by Allah because of this ONE relationship. Families come into being because of this ONE relationship and Allah’s praise is received because of this ONE relationship. So it is obvious that marriages will go through good days and bad days, just like Allah has decreed the nature of this world to be like. If the relationship of marriage was to be blissful 365 days of the year, this relationship would have been part of Jannah. But it still can be, that’s the beauty of it all!
Allah does not expect our married relationships to be perfect, rather He expects us to follow His commandments and make it work. And the backbone of making a marriage work is proper communication without letting shaitaan intervene.
The dialogue you see above is not two people fighting, it is a fight on an individual level. Both the husband and wife are fighting individually with the shaitaan and like you see above, the shaitaan is winning! So that is what we need to set out to eradicate.
We need to talk out our problems with our respective spouses. If the wife thinks that her husband is not doing enough she should not be stubborn and expect the husband to “understand”. She should calmly speak them out and then see the husband’s response. Similarly the husband should not give a list of things he does for the family when the wife is trying to win his appreciation, he should give her some space. Words have a power that is unimaginable. Use them to communicate. But not only words do the trick. Little gestures help too. Buy your wife flowers, cook your husband his favourite food. Acts like these are included in the backbone of marriage called communication. If spouses continue to give each other one word answers and spats while conversing, marriages will not last long. So let’s make communication our strongest fort in marriage and defeat shaitaan InShaaAllah!