Good points versus Bad points in spouses - NikahExplorer
In every relationship it is human nature to remember the good things that the other person has done for you for only a short period of time but remember the bad things that have happened for all of eternity. This is a dangerous part of the relationship because this sense of recall can destroy relationships tremendously. One such relationship is marriage where husbands and wives soon forget the good things that their spouses did for them and use the bad things or mistakes of the past against them.
Allah knows that this case would most frequently occur in marriages and so He mentioned in the Quran that the husband and the wife should live with each other with patience, compromise and loyalty despite having differences, despite the mistakes that the other spouse made and despite the arguments that occurred because of it. The Holy Prophet even said that the husband and wife should not go to sleep angry at each other.
Every relationship has good and bad days. In the same way every man and woman has good points and bad points. To live together as husband and wife it is essential that we overlook the bad points (unless they are haraam) and look at the good points of our spouses. Doing the opposite, forgetting the thousand points of goodness and remembering the few weaknesses will destroy marriages like nothing ever will. Doing so means that you have freely let the shaytaan reign over your brain and are only thinking in one direction.
Allah has said in the Quran about overlooking the bad points of your wife:“And live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good”(al-Nisa’ 4:19)Allah the Most Beneficent has said that even when a husband dislikes something about his wife, he should treat her with respect and it will certainly bring a great deal of “good” for him in ways that he could not imagine. For example, he would be getting the blessings of Allah and that could give him heaven.
In a similar context there is a tradition of the Holy Prophet (PBUH) in which he says : “No believing man should hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with another.” This tradition is a perfect example of the fact that everyone cannot have everything perfect in life. If something turns out bad, even then it is quite certain that the next thing, or the thing after that will turn out good. So even if you dislike a hundred points of your wife, you are sure to like one of her attributes in the future. If one thing is lacking, then it will surely be made up by another beautiful thing. So remember to always have your good points of your spouse at a higher level than the bad and you will see yourself defeating shaytaan and letting your marriage prosper.