My wife or my family? - NikahExplorer
Clichéd as it may sound, a man should never have to choose between his wife and his family but almost always, in our society, is forced to. Hence it is no secret that it gets tough for a man to have a balance between the two. Allah has prescribed rights for both the wife and the family and it is the responsibility of the man to ensure that the rights of both are followed. However, many situations arise in which the man is unable to do so and in such a situation he should take to prays and with intelligent thinking, come up with a solution.
In our society, the girl who marries into the family of the man is made to think she has a responsibility towards his family too, particularly his parents. However, it is not acceptable in Islam for the wife to serve her husband’s family. The husband must remember that his wife has given up her OWN family to be with him and he should hence stand up to his wife when he sees unfair treatment meted out to her by his family. However, in our society, we give the family precedence upon the individual and let them tramp upon the wife’s life and her dreams of raising a family.
Situations arise when mothers become possessive towards their sons when the wife enters his life and does not like her taking control, spending time with her son that she raised. This results in conflicts. The son/husband in such a situation should remember that it is important to please both. He should explain to his wife that his mother is important and vice versa.
Just like the husband is to take care of the rights of the wife, he is also to remember that his mother is the woman who bore him. "A man asked: 'O Messenger of Allah, of all people who is the most entitled to kindness and good company from me?' He replied: 'Your mother.' The man asked again: 'And after her?' He replied: 'Your mother.' 'And after her?' He replied: 'Your mother.' 'Then after her?' He asked: 'Your father.'" That is how important the position of the mother is. However, many mothers use this tradition of the Holy Prophet (PBUH) to hold it as blackmail towards their son which is strictly prohibited. We must not use the words of Allah and His Prophet to twist them according to our will and the husband/son should know when this is what is happening to him.
The only correct way to keep a balance between the wife and the family is to talk it out tactfully with both parties. If one does not agree with the other, the man needs to take a decision keeping in mind that none of them are unlawfully treated. So the answer to the question is, choose both, and Allah knows best.