The expectations of Spouses in Marriage - NikahExplorer
The topic of expectations in marriages has been discussed for centuries and an appropriate answer has not been achieved. The truth is that in every relationship there are expectations, and since marriage is a relationship which is the closest as that between a man and a woman, the expectations are tri-fold. Nevertheless, expectations in marriage should not be treated as a negative as it is only human to expect. However, we may refine the kind of expectations we have from our spouses which will lead us to lead a happy married life, maybe even that which movies demonstrate. However, the road to that is not easy and it takes years of effort, calmness, patience and prayer by both spouses to achieve it.
The first and foremost thing to remember about marriage is to understand that your spouse is not perfect and neither are you. No human is perfect in this world. Only Allah is perfect and our religion of Islam is perfect. Hence we must be prepared to disagree on matters when we are married. It does not mean that we have arguments or fights and that is the end of the relationship, but it means that we must show patience and compromise and accommodate our spouses. So we must NEVER expect our spouses and marriages to be perfect.
Don’t expect your marriage to work out fine without working on it. Allah has asked us in the Quran to work hard to achieve our goal, for marriage, it is no different. Go out of your way to make your spouse happy, appreciate the compliment them and DO NOT expect them to return the appreciation or complement immediately. Every person is different and they may have a different style of showing you their love. Don’t expect YOUR style to be the perfect one.
Often our expectations rise only when we become very self-centered and selfish. When we expect our spouse to behave in a certain way it is not because of our love for them rather it is for our own satisfaction. QUIT this habit NOW! When you focus too much on yourself rather than the person you are sharing your life with, you are being swept away by the sea of expectations and that is a disaster for marriage.
The lead role is expected to be taken by the husband in the marriage. However, this does not mean that the wife has no say in household decisions. The husband should seek advice from his wife but should not expect her to be flawless in her household chores. Husband can help too just like the Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) did. In the same way, wives must not expect husbands to fulfill all their material desires at the cost of the finances of the household.
In Islam it is important to prioritize in the relationship. Too many expectations can ruin a perfectly good marriage and can lead to dissatisfaction, resentment and finally a broken relationship.